Beauties♥
Forever Alone..
Today, I realised that for the last 2, maybe 3 but probably more, years I have spent every family and fun celebration entirely on my own. This Christmas was terrible and now having to put up with the loneliest New Year just makes me want to not live.. I don’t see the point of living alone, no one can live sanely entirely on their own. Understable. Problem is that if one says they would like to commit suicide then they are officially considered mentally damaged. So it’s a lose-lose situation! No possible win!!
So, what am I to do? I have now discovered that I am an insomniac, I have not slept for the last 48 hours and do not feel the tiniest bit tired. Also, I have a family which does not listen to me, respect me or my privacy and just truely hates me therefore resulting in alienation and neglect. I no longer find comfort in food, the one thing that kept me going. Hoping that I will perhaps put on a bit of weight to make myself seem more attractive, which has failed, I now look more anorexic than ever. I was told that I’m an ugly anorexic who can’t dance, sing or act (the only three “talents” I have ever had, or believed to have anyway).
However, it doesn’t end there! Oh, no.. I am in my last year of school, failing. With no friends, constantly having to put up with bullying and rejection, I have lost all hope. I have never in my life had a boyfriend and a boy has never really liked me. All of this would be alright if I was virgin, but, oh no, I am considered to be one of the biggest slags at school for having slept with 3 people. The cherry on top would be that teachers don’t like me so in turn never want to help me. I once had counselling sessions but they did not help, also, I have unsuccessfully tried to kill myself 6 times now.
Does life get any worst then this? All in all, I have no one who loves me or cares, I own nothing that I can call my own, I have never accomplished anything, and probably never will, and the fact that I have failed my own suicide.. 6 TIMES.. does not make life any easier for me.
I don’t ask you to be sorry for me, I’m just simply spreading my tragic story to get people to realise that they have much more than they think. Starving African children at least have a loving family to support them. My point is, appreciate what you have in life! It’s not what you want, it’s about realising what you already HAVE! Spend lovely times like the New Year with family and loved ones because eventually you realise that all you have left in the end is memories.. ♥
